My Life in Ruins

Hello everyone. Long time no talk.

I believe you all deserve an explanation. So I will get right to it.

I. am. depressed.

Yes, the big "D" word!  There I said it, I admit it.  I often have a difficulty putting my emotions in to words, and therefore lock the entire world out.  My golden rule is to never, ever, blog when I am sad, upset, or, yep you got it...depressed.

Here's the thing, I have mentioned before that I can no longer have babies and while I am starting to be "O.K." with this tragedy in my life, I still find it difficult to handle the news of other pregnancies.  There are SOOO many people I know are either pregnant or just had babies.

Don't get me wrong, I AM HAPPY for them! Bringing a new life in to this word is amazing! I mean AHHHHMAZING! And to be honest, I am not sure I would want to do it all over again at this point, yes, that is selfish but I have had 8 years to really learn the ropes and I kinda like going to bed and getting up when I want.  Plus, I was able to inherit another kid. I was lucky.  I. am. lucky.

But here's the thing; there is one consideration I think people should take in to when "announcing" their pregnancy:

• Can you please even act like you are happy? -The worse thing you can to is announce your pregnancy to someone who cannot get pregnant and act pissed off or unhappy. Whether you are trying to be funny or not....it is NEVER funny to someone who can't get pregnant. I. mean. NEVER!

Yes, this happened recently. Yes, I am having a hard time letting it go. Yes, I was extremely upset, vulnerable  had horrible thoughts, and yes, depression kicked in.  

I am working on getting over it.  Especially because some other terrible things have also happened our life.  I've learned that you can't go on being upset about things {and people} you can't control.  That said, my personality makes me want to control EVERYTHING!  This is a very new concept for me and I am working on it.

So what is next?  I don't know. I need to get out of this funk I am in.  I have been re-doing my OHHHGLAY kitchen to help me concentrate on happier things but it's a slow progress.  Believe it or not, I haven't really worn a whole lot of makeup and my hair is almost never done...yes, I'm a mess.

I'm not sure if or when I will be back to blogging. I love it, I truly do, but right now I just want to sit in my home and continue to paint my kitchen and be sad....my life I know....

Do know that I am running almost everyday....Follow me on Runkeeper (QueenNicole01)...I am still working on trying to use My Fitness Pal everyday (QueenNicole01).  WeightNot is okay, The program kinda sucks this go around, and I haven't lost weight like I did on the other one, but that said I am down 10+ lbs.  Instagram has been my go to social media app these days (you guessed it QueenNicole01) and I am missing my twitter hearts and will probably back on there soon.

I am getting all your emails and messages and I miss you all too.  Bare with me. If you have ever had to deal with depression before you most certainly understand where I am coming from!

xoxo!

Motivational Monday - Dance it Out!!

So things have been kind of a bummer in my life lately.  Don't get me wrong I am a super happy person, but I tend to take on more things then I think I can sometimes handle, and I worry a lot for my family members....A LOT.  Okay, Okay, way more than A LOT.  But I love them so much that I can't help it.

Also, the weather has been kind of sucky. It won't snow, yes I am praying for a big snow storm that keeps us home, but yet, keeps us all safe.  Instead we are getting this hot/cold rainy nonsense.  It is making me sick and depressed.  Then I watch the news and I am so sad for those in the Mid-West and South that it makes my funk go even lower b/c I can't be there to help all those helpless people.  My heart goes out to each and everyone of you affected by mother natures terror!

A couple of weeks ago I started this little tradition with my girls when I drop them off to the daycare at their school.  We have now made it a point to do this and I have found that it starts my day positive and motivates me to remember to be positive throughout the day.  And sometimes when I feel myself getting sad again, I remember this little number and it either makes me laugh or makes me get up out of my chair and do it all over again!

So for this Motivational Monday, although we may feel silly doing so, I motivate everyone to get up and "Dance It Out!!" You will be surprised about how good you feel after you do it.  To take it one step further I am challenging each of you to start your morning like this!  Let me know how you feel once you start doing it.

Runnin' Man's & Roger Rabbits,

Nicole